I wanted to embrace you
But all I found was a hollow shell
I grew up thinking it was normal
When you would be home
Performing the role of a father
While I played with my dollhouse
I didn’t know why my body braced
Like I was walking on eggshells
Your dissociation left an imprint
An unconscious loop
That told me love was never full
It was empty
You did all of the external things
Expected of a father
A master of stability and protection
That came with abuse
But you were never there for me emotionally
Like you had numbed what made you human
For fear of showing your vulnerability
I don’t blame you
But I can feel angry
For a childhood where your presence wasn’t felt
It’s not only you
But a lineage of emotional suppression
For the men and women
Who thought safety meant disconnecting from their emotions
To exchange them
For the masks
